Mornings at our Island (The one in the kitchen!)

Benjamin and I have started this "Mornings at the Island" video blog accidentally. We initially have been using a little video format to discuss and promote"Helix Rolls into a Sleepover" but we are getting such great feedback that we are going to try and do a weekly video!

I am trying to get them organized in one place on The Blessing Counter YouTube channel!

You can watch Video one: Benjamin Gets His Wheels and Video Two: On Ms. Frizzle and Inclusion now! And just trust I am working to upload the others!!

Benjamin and I would really (really really) love to hear what you think! And if there is a topic you want us to discuss, email!! We'd love to tackle it! And shamelessly, I have to add, if you haven't ordered "Helix Rolls into a Sleepover" it is available by clicking above on Amazon!!

Don't miss the point.

My good friend Randy -- the genius behind the "Helix" series -- sent me a text today. Apparently he is already polishing the third Helix book (Honestly, I think he may be finished with the third, fourth, and fifth! He is driven to spread the inspiration of that little tortoise!). 

Randy texted me to let me know he received a criticism after sharing the manuscript for book 3 with a reader: "I was confused about why Helix needed wheels in the first place...."

The reader said it was the ONLY problem with the story but that he really needed to know why Helix had a disability.

Well, ya'll my head started spinning. This critic was not talking about the book I had the honor to write with Randy and yet my immediate thought was that I didn't give a back story either. And then the criticism felt like it was at MY feet. I felt all the emotions of failure swirling in my head for about three minutes before taking a deep breath and realizing I knew exactly who the un-named critic was:

She must be the woman we met in a restaurant one night. She pointed out Benjamin to her children, then proceeded to ask us what happened to him. As she walked away from our table, I heard her say "Oh bless his heart," to her kids.

Oooh, no! I bet it was the man we met at the grocery store who asked why Benjamin couldn't walk within two seconds of getting in line behind us at the checkout.

Wait! I bet it was the older gentleman at church who wanted to know if Benjamin would EVER be able to walk???

Listen, little children ask Benjamin questions all the time about his wheels. He doesn't mind answering them because little children don't ask with pity -- they just have young minds that are growing and learning and the way to do all of that is to ask questions. Much like Edward in "Helix Rolls Into A Sleepover" these little question-askers mainly want to know that Benjamin is not in pain, that he isn't sick.

But when adults ask? Well, first they typically ask me, not Benjamin. In general they assume because he can not walk, he can not speak and then with eyes full of pity -- and usually a voice full of condescension -- they ask what happened to him. After their questions are satisfied, they walk away, without even the courtesy of engaging us in further conversation. I am not saying that they have malintent. These adults might -- like the children -- simply want to know if he is in pain. BUT, more often than not, we are left feeling that they wanted to ensure he isn't contagious. And usually they run away as if he is.

So my reply text to my friend -- It doesn't matter WHY Helix has wheels. That is not the point of the story.

I need to say that again: It is not the point. The point is that Helix DOES have wheels and this is what life looks like when you roll through life rather than walk. And though our target audience is elementary age children who we hope will learn empathy, compassion, and insight perhaps, just perhaps, our target audience should be adults who need all those things too.

What difference does the why of Benjamin's wheels make? What you need to know is that he has them BUT that doesn't stop you from having much in common!

See, I can also tell you who didn't write that critique of the book:

Cindy Ramsdell, the 2nd grade teacher, who didn't ask WHY he had a wheelchair. No, instead she asked how she could best layout her classroom to get Benjamin surrounded by his friends.

Sharon & Steve Rodriguez, theatre company directors, who didn't ask WHY he had a wheelchair. No, instead they built every set for ten or more shows with a ramp worked into the design.

Sean, Josh, CJ, Dillon, etc, all amazing friends of Benjamin's who didn't ask WHY he had a wheelchair. No, instead they found what they had in common and spent hours, years, a lifetime engaging and enjoying the benefits of a friend like Benjamin!

We can tell you that Benjamin was born three months too early and that his legs just don't work like your legs as a result. But is that necessary? It is more than likely NOT something you have in common with him....but that doesn't mean there aren't a million other things that you DO have in common.

It doesn't matter why Helix rolls through life. And frankly, if you think it does, you missed the point.

(Don't forget to pre-order "Helix"Helix Rolls Into A Sleepover" -- we are just five days from release!!)

More in Common than Different. Always.

She was the smartest little kindergartener (Literally. They bumped her straight to second grade following that year.) and with her blond hair sticking up all over her little head, Syd was the cutest little thing. She bounced into the classroom so eager to tell my five-year-olds that she had made a plan. She told her parents she wanted Benjamin, Mason, and Claire to come to her house for a party! Her enthusiasm was contagious. And as I watched the interaction my own spirit soared that she included the boys. Benjamin was in the early weeks of using his first power wheelchair and I had no idea what the other children in his kindergarten classroom thought about it -- or him. This little spirited blond was giving me hope.

"And I know we live on the third floor in our building," she continued, "But I have told my Daddy to build us a ramp!!"

I still find it hard to explain the disappointment that washed over me, coupled with hope and absolute love for this child who saw the problem, recognized it, and wanted to fix it.

Inclusion is defined as "the action or state of including or of being included within a group or structure."

According to a website called Disability Scoop, nearly 95 percent of children with disabilities spent at least part of their day in a regular classroom last year. Technically classified by the public school system as having "orthopedic/motor disability" meant that Benjamin and Mason spent their entire school day within the regular classroom. Full inclusion if you will.

And yet.

Including Benjamin and Mason was easy when reading was involved. They could participate exactly like their peers. Throw in some math, and early on both my boys excelled in mental math and inclusion felt strong. We hit a wall when math began to require some writing -- long division, large multiplication, etc -- and then there was science. A science teacher told me once that Benjamin was fine watching the other kids do the hands-on experiments. Her words did not equate to his feelings. Nor did they equate with inclusion.

But the real test of inclusion -- the one that mattered to my two sons -- was the playground. Always the playground. What does recess look like for children with physical impairments?

Lonely. It looks lonely.

Benjamin and Mason had friends. But on the playground, young people like to run, play tag, catch balls. Benjamin could turn his chair to full speed and keep up with the running but catching a ball was not something he would ever learn to do. Mason could catch the ball, but running to keep up was not something his legs could achieve.

Early on, I went to school and led games for the kindergarteners, games that included my boys. When that stopped being cool (not even sure my coolness quotient lasted through kindergarten), we talked through playground plans. We brainstormed, we looked for ways to include and to be included.

Some kids are just really good at making space for friends.

Some just have no idea how.

Somewhere around 7 million school age children have a disability according to the National Center for Education Statistics in the US alone. Seven million sounds like a lot to me but Benjamin was the only guy in his class rolling around the playground.

His best friend in 5th grade was a young man with a huge heart. Benjamin loved rolling around wherever Ty went. But Ty also had another friend. And maybe this little boy just didn't like to share. Maybe he just didn't like Benjamin. Regardless, he began to convince Ty to do things at recess that could absolutely NOT include Benjamin.

For his part, Benjamin persisted. He worked to just be a good friend. He didn't complain or beg, he just accepted the time Ty did give him.

For my part, I had a conversation with the other little boy's mom. I asked her to encourage including Benjamin. She didn't fully shrug her shoulders in front of me, but the message was clear that she didn't see the problem. I may have had unkind thoughts toward both boy and mom....

All these years later, the sense of frustration that I couldn't teach this child to see how fabulous having Benjamin a part of the friendship could be, still makes tears roll down my cheeks.

Later this month, Benjamin and I will begin taking the little book "Helix Rolls Into A Sleepover" around to schools, libraries, hospital lobbies -- basically anywhere someone will let us read. We will share the story of the little tortoise on wheels in the hopes that by presenting a cool character, with super cool wheels, we can show that finding what we have in common is far easier than not.

We will share our stories. And we will share Helix story. And we will hope that the ripple effect will be strong in our little corner of the world. We will hope that children who hear about Helix will be encouraged to open their eyes and look for all the things -- video games, movies, soccer, etc -- that Helix has in common with his friends EVEN THOUGH he rolls through life. And we will hope that our stories and the cutest little tortoise will build ramps (like sweet little Syd wanted to do way back in kindergarten) and make inclusion the norm.

** Feel free to let us know if you want us to bring Helix to your corner of the world! And please please make sure you order here to get your copy for the February 12 release date!!!

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