Celebrating life!

When the phone rang in my hospital room, I grabbed the receiver. Laying flat on your back for weeks on end was a little lonely. As much as I prefer face-to-face conversations, I was desperate to talk to anyone, and the phone was ringing!

"Carol, I am calling to make sure you are filled with the spirit of the resurrection Sunday today," the distinctly Egyptian voice of my obstetrician was on the other end of the receiver.

His wonderfully soothing voice, his calm manner were playing a huge role in keeping me sane as doctors, nurses, residents and fellows worked around the clock to keep our babies from arriving too too early.

When he left me on Good Friday, things were looking a bit bleak. My body could not be convinced that I was not full-term. But my babies needed more time. They desperately needed more time.

Waking up on Easter Sunday still pregnant was a miracle. And my doctor was celebrating with me even as we celebrated the holiest miracle of all -- Jesus' resurrection!

We had shared our faith, my amazing doctor and I. The day he sat down with Wade and I to discuss "options" for improving the odds of this pregnancy:

"I have to tell you that the number of babies can still be reduced," he said. "But I will have nothing to do with that. You will need to see one of my partners."

It took me a minute. I had assumed he meant the possibility of miscarriage was still high. We had discussed that before. When I realized he was referring to aborting one of my three, I burst into tears. 

"No. No." I said. "How in the world would we do that? These babies are our's. These three babies are our's."

And through my tears I told him my story:

When my original obstetrician read the first ultrasound -- the ultrasound she only ordered because I was having some issues that made us fear I was having a miscarriage -- she told Wade and I to go home and come back the next week. With a shocked voice, she told us there were four sacs. Four. But, she said, there only appeared to be life in two. Two. Twins. She was 99 percent certain we were having twins. Go home, she said, and we will do a follow-up ultrasound next week.

I prayed all week. "Oh Lord, four babies? Can I really handle four babies?? Or were there four and we have lost two little lives? That makes me so sad."

And so I stayed on my knees all week asking -- begging really -- God for a peace that when we had the ultrasound the following week that we would see the children He intended for us to have. That if there were four I would rest in the peace that He would provide the skills to care for four babies at once; and if there were two that He would provide the peace that those were our intended. That I would rest in that knowledge.

I was completely unprepared for the doctor holding up THREE fingers. THREE had not been an option. She said four or two. Four or two.

But there were three. And I smiled. Ok, God, I trust you. I trust you.

God intended for us to have three babies. I trusted God with my body, with their lives and with the selection of this Godly obstetrician who affirmed his belief in the sanctity of life. I would not reduce my pregnancy.

Oh, my three were still born incredibly early. But I was in full labor at 19 weeks. Their arrival at almost 29 weeks was an absolute miracle. Their life from the first breath is an absolute testimony to the power of God.

At my six week postpartum visit, my dear doctor told me I was his miracle story. I smiled, but told him we both knew God worked the miracle. He patted my hand and said, "Carol, when you went into labor at 19 weeks, my partners thought I should let you deliver, grieve and start over next year trying to have a baby."

I was shocked.

He continued, "I told them they had not met you. They had not heard your story of your incredible faith -- of how you asked God to show you on that ultrasound the children He wanted you to have. I told them I would do everything in my medical power to help you fight for these babies."

Wade with two babies, me with one as Dr. Ray Pritchard leads our Baby Dedication Ceremony.

I know that some reading this will say, yes, Carol but your boys suffer with Cerebral Palsy. You could have prevented that by reducing your pregnancy -- or delivering at 19 weeks. And I say, oh friend, have you met my children??

Benjamin rolls into a room and changes it for the better with his smile, his wit, and his creative mind. His life has great value. He makes the world a better place. And dear ones, because of where he was located in the womb, he would have been the one aborted. I can not imagine a world without this young man. I look at him and give thanks that in our stubbornness we chose LIFE for him. Life.

Then I look at Mason and Claire and try to imagine a world without them. Let me tell you that the world would not smile or laugh as often without Mason -- his laugh is contagious. But he is not just funny, he is smart and I know he is going to do amazing things with his life. His life.

And my beautiful Claire -- my girl that I insisted had to be in there when the docs pulled out two boys first -- restores my belief in people. She has such a passion for the marginalized -- orphans, special needs, impoverished. She works tirelessly to advocate for children that the world has forgotten; she works to learn/improve her sign language skills so she can take the Word to those who can not hear it. I pray to be her when I grow up. And I know that her life makes the world a better place!

Do they have obstacles? Absolutely. But, we chose life. We trusted God with my body. We trusted God with the plans He made for our children before He knit them together in my womb. We trusted God.

I give thanks every single day. But especially -- oh so especially -- this week. Friday is Benjamin, Mason and Claire's 17th birthday. SEVENTEEN!

Seventeen years. It has been 17 years since that beautiful phone call. It has been 17 years since I was flat on my back for ten weeks praying, hoping, praying that I would be a mommy to three beautiful babies in God's time.

Happy birthday, Benjamin, Mason and Claire! You have blessed me, your Dad, and all who come in to contact with you for 17 years! This next year is full of big changes, big decisions and amazing discoveries. I am so thankful that God allows me to be on the front row of your cheering section -- I will always be on the front row -- watching how He uses you and your beautiful, amazing lives!!

So, my friends, I have to ask: Are you filled today with the spirit of the resurrection Sunday?

Easter bunnies, jelly beans and eggs made new....

Yesterday morning, I was getting Benjamin up to his wheelchair and Cate was right there with me, anxious to see if the Easter Bunny had paid a visit. She opened the curtains in her brothers' room and sitting right outside the window, on our little front "perch" was the sweetest white-tailed bunny, looking so much like he was darting from inside our house that we all just stopped what we were doing and watched him. (Ok, then I tore through the house for my camera and returned to see his little self hopping away...)

Can you see the little guy? Right in the middle of the photo??

All week my news feed on Facebook had been inundated with posts about Easter being so much more than about the bunny. And oh my goodness, that is the absolute truth. Easter is a celebration of our RISEN savior; a celebration of an empty tomb; a celebration of death being defeated when Jesus rose from the dead.

And while I would never want to confuse anyone about the real meaning of this holiday, I have to say that I, frankly, love the Easter Bunny. I also love dyeing eggs and eating jelly beans (you already knew that) and a church filled with lovely spring dresses. Easter is a celebration of new life for Jesus and for us, IN and THROUGH Jesus and sweet little bunny represents just that.

Unadorned, our eggs were waiting for new life...

When I was little, we didn't make a huge deal out of a lot of holidays -- you know we wore green on St. Patrick's Day; we bought a box of Valentine's to give our friends; we had a cookout on the 4th of July -- but Christmas and Easter were different. As a little bitty girl, before I understood the depth of what Easter meant, I knew it was bigger than the other holidays. It was big like Christmas was big. I KNEW this because it was the ONLY other time of the year -- besides Christmas -- that I went to sleep and woke up to a few lovely surprises.

Do not misunderstand. The basket was not filled with huge gifts -- the Easter Bunny usually brought me a spring outfit and some new shoes....and a little candy, of course. But the celebration -- the waking up to see what that bunny had brought -- set the day apart when my brain was too young to comprehend more. And so when the connection was made. When I realized the amazing gift we received on Easter was so much more than goodies in a basket, it made perfect sense that this would be a BIG holiday.

Cate made one egg to look like a Tardis -- a Dr. Who reference for her brothers!

We seem to be living in an age of extremes. An age where some groups call for an end to dressing up at Halloween, visits from the Easter Bunny and instead telling our children the hard facts of life early and loudly. While other groups want us to celebrate every single holiday extravagantly -- leprechauns hiding gifts throughout the house; Valentine treats that require a 20-people assembly line.

Sigh.

Fancy, over-indulgent, extravagance is not what I am talking about here. I am simply saying that Jesus called the little children unto him. He loved them and did not force them to grow up and accept the hard facts of life; but rather urged us to be like them in our faith, trusting, loving and accepting of each other.

Loved the "All things new" egg...

Perhaps when I get to Heaven, He will reprimand me for allowing the Easter Bunny to stop by my house. But I don't think so. I think celebrating little children, helping them to piece the beauty of NEW LIFE in a way that is joy-filled, fun and innocent is exactly what He would want us to do.

Jesus died on the cross. He was buried. He rose again on the third day -- defeating death so that WE might have life to the fullest. So that we could have everlasting life with Him in heaven.

In a world filled with darkness, pain and so much suffering, I think the new life of a bunny, the new beauty of freshly-dyed Easter eggs and the joy of sharing it all as a family, is exactly how we should celebrate.

He is risen. He is risen indeed!!

Praying this morning that you are filled with the spirit of the resurrection -- and maybe a few jelly beans too boot!

Of transformation and resurrection!

Caterpillars turning into butterflies is an incredible thing to behold. Simply incredible. A couple of weeks ago, these itsy-bitsy little caterpillars arrived in a plastic jar complete with a food substance that looked like putty at the bottom.

They were not particularly appealing. In fact, they were just flat out ugly. And yet, they fascinated us.

For days, we eagerly checked on our caterpillars -- noting that what began as a project for the kindergartner rapidly consumed ALL of us -- as they seemingly doubled in size each night.

Then one day we woke to find each encased in his own chrysalis -- appearing for all the world to be absolutely dead. We gently transferred the disc where the little tombs were attached, to the wall of our butterfly garden as we eagerly anticipated their rebirth.

When we woke up Saturday morning to discover that one of the little tombs had split open and a beautiful butterfly was in our garden, we fought to get the best view. Then over the next couple of days,  we watched as the other three emerged from slumber as the most exquisite of creatures -- a butterfly!

We kept our little pets with us for a few days -- feeding them, talking to them and observing everything we could. But soon we knew we had to give them their freedom by releasing them into the sky. 

It was bittersweet. We knew the butterflies were better off soaring free, but man did our little Cate want to keep them here with her. As we have talked about them this week -- and we have talked about them a LOT -- I have been struck by the similarity with the transformation we witnessed and the transformation we celebrate this weekend.

Isaiah 53:2 foretold about the Messiah: "He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him." 

Much like the black, hairy, unappealing caterpillar, huh?

After Jesus was beaten, ridiculed and put to death by hanging on the cross, he was buried: "Joseph took the body, wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, and placed it in his own new tomb that he had cut out of the rock. He rolled a big stone in front of the entrance to the tomb and went away." (Matthew 27:59-60)

Just like my Cate thought her caterpillars had died when she found them wrapped in their chrysalis form and hanging in the jar. 

And the best part of all: "After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen just as he said." (Matt. 28:1-6)

"Afterward Jesus appeared in a different form to two of them while they were walking..." (Mark 16:12)

"Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating..." (Mark16:14)

Risen and transformed -- scripture does not describe him, but my heart knows that he was more majestic than the butterfly.

And just like we had to release our transformed little creatures: 

"After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God." Mark 16:19

Happy Easter, my beloveds. 

He is Risen!

To say Easter is my favorite holiday would not be wholly correct -- Easter is my favorite SEASON!! I love the re-awakening of the Earth as trees began to bloom, grass begins to grow, and yes, the birds begin to sing!



The pastel colors sometimes associated with Spring are not for me though, these are my favorites: bright pink, bright orange, bright blue and yes, sweet Cate, I love your bright purple! Colors that virtually scream VIBRANCY! Our savior is alive, he is risen!!

Years ago, we watched a very brave man -- my Dad -- battle cancer over a two year time. Both of those years, Daddy was extremely sick at the very end of winter...then Spring would arrive. Both years, he bounced back and took a turn for the better. In my mind, it was as if we were watching the re-awakening of the Earth directly impact him. It was beautiful. And certainly colored my love of the season.

Of course, three of my crew were born in the Spring...so now, for the last 13 (EEK!) years, I have been overwhelmed each Spring with a sense of profound gratitude for the miracle that is their lives!

And this Easter was extra-special because this little gift is just starting to put all the pieces together..."So, Mommy, Jesus died but then he came back to life so he could live in my heart?" Oh yes, Cate, a thousand times YES, the one who was without sin DIED so that you can be saved from your sin!!

(OK, so the "helpers" for her Easter Egg hunt might have been a bit over-kill...but we did have a blast!!)

And so did she!!

And to top off all my favorite activities...Easter in Arizona not only includes all the things I love...but also my favorite happy place....THE POOL...this year it was our first family swim in our brand new home, and brand new pool!

Christ is risen! He is risen indeed!! (There really is NO greater blessing, my friends!)