Counting Maroon Memories!

My nerves are stretched so tight that I can hardly even type today. So instead of looking back at my words, we are going to just LOOK back.

My babies that weighed an average of 2 and a half pounds each, my teeny tiny beautiful babies, are taking the SAT this morning. The SAT. Because they are seniors in high school. Because they are looking at colleges. And yes, they have taken it once already and did very well. But a couple of them think there might be scholarship monies available if they up their scores a bit; and one of them thinks he might have a shot at the more elite academic school he is considering...and so off they went this morning.

Once, dear mamas, I was afraid my college dreams for them might be impossible. But here they are, preparing, doing their best and talking about scholarships even! I am filled to bursting. Really.

If I look back to far today I will be a weepy mess when I pick them up. So instead, instead I am focusing on the fact that my own Alma Mater is playing in the biggest football game of our season -- arguable our history. I can not believe that my sweet bulldogs are currently NUMBER THREE in the nation! Now, it doesn't matter a whole lot to me, I'm going to LOVE them no matter what. But ok, it matters a whole lot to me. So sit back and scroll through some of my sweeties ready for other game days!! I hope they make you smile!!

Ring those cowbells and Hail State!!

Procrastinating....

We returned from Mississippi late last night and I leave for Milwaukee early tomorrow. I need to do laundry, organize meals for the kids and um, finish the talk that I am traveling to make. But sometimes, I just need a little blog time. I need a little downtime. Oh who am I kidding? I just need to have one more cup of coffee and share my heart.

There is much to say about this trip -- seeing friends in Tupelo, in Starkville and on campus; the triplets having their first official MSU tour; and the almost 800 photos to sort through. Alas, I really can not let myself do all of that now. But nevertheless this photo makes me smile. It was homecoming for our beloved Bulldogs and we were playing Bowling Green. My hubby had warned it would not be a give-me-game and yet, we assumed there would be victory.

We looked good at first. There were touchdowns and defensive stops. The score was coming along nicely right up until halftime when most of the students left and perhaps our boys were with them in spirit cause we just stopped in our tracks. No points in the second half. Not a lot of defense. And in the end we only beat Bowling Green by one point. 21-20. Ugh.

As I download photos this morning and ponder all the encounters, hugs and promise of future fun, I am a bit emotional. The fact that I am working on slides of the triplets as little ones for my talk is not helping. But I got tickled looking at this photo because I can't help but think this whole parenting thing is kind of like being a fan of the Bulldogs...

I have loved all things maroon since the moment I first set foot on campus. No matter where life has taken Wade and I -- from Mississippi and Alabama to Chicago, Minnesota and Arizona -- anyone who knows us more than a minute, knows of our love for Mississippi State University. Our giant bulldog in the front yard welcomes friends to game day and our adorable concrete bully welcomes them at our front door year-round. We love the school where we got to know each other, where we made life-long friends and where we wandered the campus planning our future together. 

So win, lose or draw, we cheer for our teams wearing maroon. And some seasons that loyalty is rewarded with highs -- College World Series in Omaha, Gator Bowls, Sweet Sixteen. And sometimes, we scare the dog with the yelling at the television -- think loss to Tulane in 2006....

Parenting children with special needs is so much like that. So much. Some seasons, I weep with pride as my boys overcome their own challenges to perform the leading role in a musical about being different; to speak in front of college students in an effort to educate the next generation of teachers and pave the way for those coming behind us on this special needs' road; and to overcome challenges to compete in the national disability archery games. The highs of being Benjamin and Mason's mom far outweigh the lows. Far outweigh.

And yet, there are seasons -- like the one we are clawing our way out of -- where we are just like our gridiron dawgs getting stopped in their tracks Saturday night as they tried to drive down field. Three surgeries in eight months feels like the defensive line of an SEC powerhouse team just smacked us down and no one is blowing the whistle to end the play. And some days I just want to scream: sweet mercy, will someone just blow the whistle already??!!

So this photo of MSU's LaDarius Perkins crossing the goal line Saturday night makes me smile. Makes me grin from ear to ear because not only is winning a ton of fun but I feel like we are sailing in the air with him. We are crossing the finish line of this long season of surgery and we are ready to celebrate!

I have to tell you that counting the blessings of this season may just....um...well, it might just require MORE COWBELL!! Will you join me??

No crying in baseball...

For years when we lived in Minnesota, my hubbie hoped and wished and cheered our Bulldogs to the College World Series. Knowing he was within driving distance from Omaha, Nebraska and wanting desperately to watch them play there. It didn't happen.

The summer after we moved away, our Diamond Dawgs did make it back to Omaha but we had already made plans to be in our happy place -- Walt Disney World -- and thus had to settle for wearing maroon and cheering with the myriad of fans we ran into in Orlando.

This season when we saw so much potential in the team, Wade began arranging his schedule to allow him to be at the CWS just in case, just in case. He did not even have grandiose dreams. A faithful Bulldog fan, he just wanted to see his team play once or twice in the series. 

When our boys won the regional games, we started getting excited. But then when it looked like we might win out at the Super Regional and actually make it to the College World Series, I got nervous. They were within striking distance of the World Series (no pun intended) and I wanted Wade to go and have fun so desperately. 

The success in the regional and super regional had been absolutely the best medicine for our little family. House-bound following Benjamin's surgery, we gathered and cheered for our favorite team decked out in our maroon for each game. And so I began to hope, to dream, that this team, with so much heart and depth-of-character would actually make it to Omaha.

The timing of the series would be a wonderful time for Wade to get away and have fun with his friends following the surgery. As Dad and surgeon, he had carried the weight of the world on his shoulders for the entire six months leading up to the surgery -- feeling the stress of knowing too well the ins and outs of this surgery, knowing too well the possible complications, the challenges of recovery and the effect sleepless nights would have on his wife.

So yes, I began willing this team to victory. I needed them to make it to Omaha. I wanted Wade to make the trip, let go of the stress, and have some fun.

And those precious baseball players made it. They made it to Omaha. And we ordered tickets, and sent Wade with a suitcase full of maroon to support them. He met friends from college, residency and fellowship in Omaha. He enjoyed every minute of the first two rounds and then made his way home. It had been a great trip.

But our now-infamous beard-wearing Bulldogs were oblivious to my relief that they had made it to Omaha. Those boys were winning. They were on fire as a matter of fact and before Wade left, it was apparent that the entire town of Omaha was cheering our Bulldogs on to win the whole thing.

We watched the third round on TV. And we won. And Wade began to get another dream. We needed to be in Omaha. All of us. We needed to.

Mason and Cate had theater camp obligations. And I was not certain Benjamin could make the trip. I urged Wade to go back and have fun without us. He would have no part.

This is Mississippi State history, he said. You have to be there with me. We have to be there.

And so we loaded up -- Claire, Benjamin, Wade and I. We flew to Omaha and were immediately glad we did. The maroon in the airport alone made me smile from ear to ear. Everyone we encountered -- from baggage claim to our shuttle driver -- spoke of their love of our fans and team. They would be cheering for us -- they hoped we would win it all.

I had not seen these dear friends in almost 25 years...is that possible, Boyd?

Our precious friend, Dr. Pete Smith.

The feeling was different than a football bowl game, more relaxed somehow. Everyone was walking around town. Maroon was everywhere. Some 20,000 fans had traveled to watch these Bulldogs play in the Championship series against UCLA. We began to run into friends we hadn't seen in decades. We had lunch with loved ones, hugs in hotel lobbies and impromptu meetings in the stands during the games.

Our kids making friends with the children of our college friends. Priceless.

Our beloved Dr. Jimmy Abraham.

My heart -- so stretched and weary from care-taking for my dear Benjamin in the month following his surgery -- was filled to overflowing with all the reunions. I could not have orchestrated a prescription for our post-surgical condition more beautifully.

With Denton and his family -- our near-family!

James, Wade and William -- Sig Eps together, now all docs.

Me and Maggie....aka Mary Alice. :)

Pete and Wade were Sig Eps together -- I'm hoping he'll teach one of my crew at MSU!

A table full of Sig Eps and parts of their families! Loved the laughter!

Shannon and Jame, Steve, Kevin, Wade and William. A Sig Ep reunion!

And our dear Rick. Love him so.

My second family in high school -- Mr. John and Mrs. Delores.

In the end, some crazy pitching by the school from California would defeat our beloved Bulldogs. But only in the championship. Only in the game.

This is a team of winners. And if I could speak to this dear group of young men, I would say thank you. Thank you for being a delightful distraction during a season I had dreaded more than you can even understand.

Thank you for being charming and delightful to watch on TV as story after story unfolded of your character and faith.

 Thank you for playing with such heart that all who watched couldn't help but want you to win. And those of us with an affinity for all things Mississippi State were proud to stand for you, with you, behind you as you did indeed make history.

Thank you for giving us impetus to gather from one side of the country to the other (not just from Starkville, silly ESPN announcers.) in a reunion that left attendance records shattered in Omaha and merchants of that dear city wearing maroon.

 Thank you for a chance to be with friends and family. To love and be loved by some of our favorite people ever. Thank you for one more chance to show our children what it means to be part of the Bulldog Nation.

Oh thank you, dear Diamond Dawgs, from left field lounge to Omaha, you have been a blessing.

Ramblings...all in maroon.

We are home from our annual football pilgrimage to our beloved Mississippi State. We saw friends, we were hugged, loved on and our Bulldogs beat Auburn. It was a good good weekend.

And yet, because I try to be honest here, I have to tell you that my heart was heavy during this weekend on campus.

My crew with our dear Dr. Jimmy Abraham!

I am usually somewhat wistful walking around campus on game day -- longing to be among the weekly tailgaters, hanging out with friends and knowing we are home. But this trip was different. I found myself staring at all the tents -- row after row of tents filled with carefree maroon-wearing people celebrating the day -- and all I could think was, "Really, this many people have children with NO special needs? How is that possible?"

With our beloved Miss Trish!

Deep sigh. 

Quarterback Tyler Russell shaking Benjamin's hand at the Dawg Walk!

Please don't judge me. And please don't worry about me. It is a season. Part of this journey of being a special needs Mom is cycling through strange emotional seasons. We can probably point directly to the surgical visit to Minnesota a couple weeks back for the cause...but that isn't really the point. (Although in case you are wondering, we have scheduled B's wrist surgery for Dec. 14.)

The point is: sometimes life is just plain hard.

Sweet cousin, Laura Kate made her way to our section to spend time with us. Her effort shouted her love and we are so grateful!!

My romantic ideals of tailgating with friends every weekend and sitting with them to watch the games wouldn't be our reality. The wheelchair can't leave the sidewalks easily to access most of the tailgating friends; and our seats are in the accessible section with very little option of moving.

And while I enjoy every minute we are on campus, I am just sometimes -- like this weekend -- struck with the need for it to be easier for my boys to enjoy the game, the fellowship, the campus.

And for a minute, I choose to just be sad. Before picking up a cowbell and chasing the blues out of town.

Because, pity does not serve any of us well. And wallowing in the what-ifs robs us of all the joy of what-is!

Precious friends taking time for us before their own long drive home!

And so wistful or not, I process the emotions. I register them for what they are and work to give them as little weight as possible.

With one of my dearest college friends, Mark, and his beautiful wife Sarah and daughter, Turner! (and yes, Sarah is an Auburn grad....but gracious she is a good sport and we love her to pieces!)

Wade with good friends, Denton and Reed Rogers.

And with our beloved friends, Marty and Kris Winters!

Remembering to be thankful for the myriad of friends who left the comfort of their tailgating tents to meet us on the sidewalk, to stand in the shade of a tree and love us. To be thankful for four kids who embrace their maroon heritage with all-out cowbell ringing in spite of the fact that they have never lived in Mississippi. To be thankful for my husband who gets me, who understands my heart when I have these seasons of sadness and who loves me anyway.

Because difficult or not, we love the blessing of memories wrapped in maroon and white! (Ya'll will be praying about Dec. 14th, right?!)