Ramblings...all in maroon.

We are home from our annual football pilgrimage to our beloved Mississippi State. We saw friends, we were hugged, loved on and our Bulldogs beat Auburn. It was a good good weekend.

And yet, because I try to be honest here, I have to tell you that my heart was heavy during this weekend on campus.

My crew with our dear Dr. Jimmy Abraham!

I am usually somewhat wistful walking around campus on game day -- longing to be among the weekly tailgaters, hanging out with friends and knowing we are home. But this trip was different. I found myself staring at all the tents -- row after row of tents filled with carefree maroon-wearing people celebrating the day -- and all I could think was, "Really, this many people have children with NO special needs? How is that possible?"

With our beloved Miss Trish!

Deep sigh. 

Quarterback Tyler Russell shaking Benjamin's hand at the Dawg Walk!

Please don't judge me. And please don't worry about me. It is a season. Part of this journey of being a special needs Mom is cycling through strange emotional seasons. We can probably point directly to the surgical visit to Minnesota a couple weeks back for the cause...but that isn't really the point. (Although in case you are wondering, we have scheduled B's wrist surgery for Dec. 14.)

The point is: sometimes life is just plain hard.

Sweet cousin, Laura Kate made her way to our section to spend time with us. Her effort shouted her love and we are so grateful!!

My romantic ideals of tailgating with friends every weekend and sitting with them to watch the games wouldn't be our reality. The wheelchair can't leave the sidewalks easily to access most of the tailgating friends; and our seats are in the accessible section with very little option of moving.

And while I enjoy every minute we are on campus, I am just sometimes -- like this weekend -- struck with the need for it to be easier for my boys to enjoy the game, the fellowship, the campus.

And for a minute, I choose to just be sad. Before picking up a cowbell and chasing the blues out of town.

Because, pity does not serve any of us well. And wallowing in the what-ifs robs us of all the joy of what-is!

Precious friends taking time for us before their own long drive home!

And so wistful or not, I process the emotions. I register them for what they are and work to give them as little weight as possible.

With one of my dearest college friends, Mark, and his beautiful wife Sarah and daughter, Turner! (and yes, Sarah is an Auburn grad....but gracious she is a good sport and we love her to pieces!)

Wade with good friends, Denton and Reed Rogers.

And with our beloved friends, Marty and Kris Winters!

Remembering to be thankful for the myriad of friends who left the comfort of their tailgating tents to meet us on the sidewalk, to stand in the shade of a tree and love us. To be thankful for four kids who embrace their maroon heritage with all-out cowbell ringing in spite of the fact that they have never lived in Mississippi. To be thankful for my husband who gets me, who understands my heart when I have these seasons of sadness and who loves me anyway.

Because difficult or not, we love the blessing of memories wrapped in maroon and white! (Ya'll will be praying about Dec. 14th, right?!)