Twenty-five years. Or how to pack up a hovercraft.

Sailing into April 18 with a rapid speed feels just about right. The last few months -- ok, the last two years -- are so weird time-wise. Will we as a people struggle to assign a timeline to our memories of these days? The anchor points are lacking for me. No big travels. No fun gatherings of loved ones. It is just weird, right? 

And this year, rushing toward April 18 feels as if someone pushed the 2x button and we are really going in fast forward speed.

Quite the exact opposite of the April that made this date so significant. Quite different from the snail's pace in which time moved as I lay in a hospital bed in Chicago that spring, praying for the days to fly so the babies would grow, so my body could be convinced to let them stay put.

Those days were interminable.

And those days were 25 years ago. Twenty-five. 

Oh in real time, I recognize that I am parenting adults and you know I am downright obnoxious talking about all they are doing, discovering, accomplishing. But still, I find it hard to believe that I have been their mother for a quarter of a century.

When they were young preschoolers, I heard a speaker say that their childhood would not be the largest section on the timeline of my life as a woman. It felt large that day. And I wasn't sure exactly what to do with that information.

Mothering three littles is more than a little time-consuming. My days were packed from beginning to end. 

And mothering three teens was not less busy. I was occupied adapting, flexing, going against my stick-to-the-routine-that-works personality and learning to find the things that worked better. It did not in fact, feel like a short blip on my timeline.

Today, with three almost-25 year olds, I kind of understand what she was saying. It flies by. It seems like the days were long in the living of them, but man were they brief in totality. 

Benjamin opts to live at home in this season of his adulthood. It is at once a gift and a challenge. A gift to have him near, to be able to celebrate his successes and watch up close his growth. And yet....

Mason and Claire live independent-of-me in their own cities, with their own friends, doing their own things. I celebrate their successes and am here if they want to discuss struggles, but the distance alone means I am not hands-on, rather just a support, should they need me. (Definitely NOT jumping up and down, waving my arms so they notice me, chanting "Need Me, please" over and over again! ;) ) 

But for Benjamin, although he lives independently here, managing his staff, and setting his schedule. I can still micro-analyze how he spends his time, how often he checks/replies to work email/when he sets his bedtime. Somedays, I actually hear myself and am ashamed that I am still talking to him as if he is 12 and it is my job to teach him good-decision making. He needs the same opportunities his siblings have of making decisions and living with the success and/or consequences of the decisions. I have to step down from my hovercraft.

25 years of motherhood may not have afforded me all the answers. But oh my goodness, it has afforded me joy beyond my wildest imaginings. I can not wait to celebrate this milestone with my amazing wonderful awe-inspiring three!

Sweet mercy I am grateful that they have given me grace as I have made mistakes in this 25-year-old adventure that is so much more-than-a-blip on my timeline!