Faith in the Valley

I am so not heroic. I am mad that my son feels bad. I am mad that he needs tests today. I am scared about the results. I am selfishly worried about the long-awaited trip my dear husband and I are supposed to take later this week. I feel guilty that I can even THINK about the trip when my kiddo is having medical problems. I am mad that I feel guilty. Oh. I am not heroic.

So this morning, I needed a serious Quiet Time. Really. I mean, I was begging God to meet me right here, calm my spirit and give me wisdom. Begging.

I opened My Utmost for His Highest to today's date. Predetermined. Not random. And yet, today Mr. Oswald Chambers was speaking about serving God in the valleys of life -- the valleys, my friends. Mr. Chambers says:

"Most of us can do things if we are always at the heroic pitch because of the natural selfishness of our hearts, but God wants us at the drab commonplace pitch, where we live in the valley according to our personal relationship with Him."

Oh, that living in the Valley gets me every time. The valley is where our faith comes head to head with life -- head to head with raising our children; head to head with loving our spouses; head to head with day in and day out laundry; and yes, head to head with the chronic issues facing our loved ones.

Without a personal relationship with Jesus, we might be brave and tough in the big moments. Goodness, our adrenaline kicks in for those. But in the day to day struggles, and some days have more struggle than others, it is only  the personal dependence on our Savior that will sustain us. Only.

My heart was already rejoicing this morning in the words so obviously spoken for my heart today. But then I opened my Bible -- it is my practice to look at the scripture passage from which Mr. Chambers pulls his thoughts. Today he used Mark 9:22. I wanted to read the entire passage. And as I did, I began to cry.

Would you believe that today -- today -- the reference scripture was inside an encounter between a father concerned for his son, and Jesus? Would you believe? The son is having seizures and the father, scared for his son's life brings the boy to Jesus:

" Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?"  "From childhood," he answered, "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." " 'If you can?' " said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"  Mark 9: 21-24

This story has a happy ending, Jesus heals the man's son. But the exclamation from the father chokes me up and stops me in my tracks. How often do I cry out in my unbelief.  How often do I doubt that all of this -- all the wheelchairs, crutches, therapies, medical issues -- are part of God's plan for my kids.

Often.

I doubt often.

So today, I cry out "I do believe! Help me in my unbelief!" and beg Jesus to walk with me through this valley; to walk with Mason through whatever today brings; and to hold us all in His complete will.

I am ever thankful for your prayers for my family.