Monday, January 5, 2009

Needing a break from all the spin...

Sometimes life starts spinning at full tilt, like our favorite Teacup ride at Disneyland but without the kind-hearted operator who knows exactly when to hit the stop button before we all get sick. Our Fall was pretty much just that.

So much was coming at us -- some things just plain silly. Some downright aggravating. Some anxiety-provoking. And then some completely NOT unexpected and yet blind-siding at the same time.

My Benjamin has Cerebral Palsy. He uses a super cool Power Wheelchair to ambulate...and he can zoom to and fro much much faster than I can ambulate anywhere. He has: A heart of gold. A personality that makes friends easier than anybody in the family. A brain that remembers the itsy-bitsy minutiae that the rest of us never even notice (Like being able to recite our van's license plate yesterday when I had to call our insurance agent to report the dings made by a sweet lady at church who backed into us on the way out of the parking lot...ah, but that is another tale, entirely.) A love for his Mommy that is completely undeserved but oh-so-appreciated.

And a pair of hips that are precariously close to dislocating and causing him all manner of pain. He needs surgery. A big hip surgery. Soon.

I've known since he was little that this was a possibility. By six, that it was a probability. And yet, when Dr. Daddy reviewed the x-rays (he's useful for so many reasons...reading x-rays prior to our "official" doctor arriving is one of them!) and looked at me, I still felt the breath whoosh out of my lungs as if I had been punched.

Hip surgery. My 11-year-old. Casting to follow. Possibly for weeks and weeks.

And then there is this: Wade is the specialist in our area that does this surgery. Daddy.

So now, we have to find a surgeon among Wade's colleagues. Probably out of state. And decide when to schedule this surgery (possibly two surgeries depending on the surgeon's opinion.).

All of a sudden, the spinning was too much. I can't stop it. I can't even get off (nor would I...the teacups are my favorite for a reason I guess.). But I needed to make a change. To grasp at control of some aspect of all the crazy swirling around us.

And so as of today: The Shrader trio (and their very eager 3-year-old sister) are being home schooled by this Mommy who desperately needed to control something in our lives -- at least their days, their calendar, and our ability to remove the school calendar from the equation when planning this surgery.

Today was delightful. I loved it. Not sure if it was just having these kiddos with me -- I was the worst of basket-cases when they started kindergarten -- or watching them absorb the knowledge I was putting out there, or their eager faces as we studied Russian Poetry and the life of the Russian poet, something completely new. Or maybe, and I'm not afraid to admit it, it was just nice to be finished with "school" in time for Band (they are still doing that daily) at noon and have the rest of the afternoon to our self. (Read: NO HOMEWORK.)

Whatever. Today was a blessing. And in the midst of a season of uncertainty, of this I am certain: God has opened a door for me to enjoy this little bit and I plan on doing just that. (I may need to whine now and again...please don't think I won''ll let me, right?)

But regardless, my friends, no matter the speed of the spin, God is always on His throne and He knows exactly when to hit the stop button.


Brenda said...

Carol - First, you are such a beautiful writer. Thank you for sharing. You have so much wisdom and strength, you ARE a Great Teacher! This will be a great adventure for your family.

Please keep us posted on Benjamin. Your family is in our prayers.

Tracey said...

Hey Carol-you never cease to amaze me with your writing and,most of all,your strengh. I will pray for all of you, and especially Benjamin. Enjoy every moment, as I know you will.

You are loved!

Sarah Armstrong said...

I am very interested to hear how this experience is for you and your family....even though I am a public school teacher by occupation (and I NEVER thought I'd say this...EVER) I am quite intrigued by the prospect of homeschooling. Can't wait to hear about this!!

Heather said...

Carol...I still remember the day that I got to go with you to see sweet Benjamin try his first power chair! Whoa...he was off and running. I also remember a Mom who cried alot when they went to Kindergarten. So...this is a great experience for you guys. If anyone can do it...and LOVE's you! I'll be praying...for you as you take this on...and especially for sweet Benjamin as the surgery approaches. This is not the first time God has held that sweet boy in the palm of His hand and he will do it again!!!!