Words matter.

The little girl bumped into Mason in a crowded food court at our Walt Disney World Resort. It was unintentional and really, would not have been a big deal at all. Except for the grandmother. Except for  the fact that this fully grown woman grabbed her granddaughter and said:

"Be careful. You almost knocked the deformed man down."

Deformed.

The little girl's mother overheard:

"Mother, it isn't deformed. It's disabled."

Now, for the sake of my blood pressure, let us assume that the "it" in those two sentences was the WORD choice and NOT the man in question. Oh please let her have been correcting her mother's word choice not referring to my son as an IT. Because frankly, the use of deformed is already more than I can handle.

And it isn't really more than I can handle. We laughed as a matter of fact at our table. A laughter born of disbelief that in 2019 we still haven't educated society enough that these things don't happen. A laughter born of desperation to not cry that anyone anywhere ever thought calling someone deformed -- within their earshot no less -- was an okay thing to do.

A laughter that defused the hurt and sadness and actual pain of realizing one more time how often people are incapable of seeing past outward appearances. Sigh.

All grandmother had to say was "Sweetie, be careful. You almost knocked the young man down." (She could have thrown in handsome, even! :) )  She could have just told her granddaughter to say, "Excuse me."

We have heard more often than I can count mothers reprimand their children not to stare at us. If we are in close proximity, and I can engage in conversation, I have often encouraged the mother that staring isn't the problem. I tell her to let the child ask questions of me or the boys. I encourage her not to make disability taboo or something to whisper about.

Oh mothers (and grandmothers, obviously), your children are going to engage or disengage from people with different abilities exactly how YOU engage or disengage. If you act like it is a disease to avoid, guess what, so will they. If you act like it is something to stare and whisper about -- oh yes, they will too.

If you use words like deformed when speaking of the disabled, you better believe that will stick.

Just don't whisper. Don't stare. And for the love of all the amazing children everywhere, please don't call my boys and their peers deformed!!

You can start with hello.