Friday, May 26, 2017

Home is behind. Sigh.

"Home is behind. The world ahead and there are many paths to tread through shadows to the edge of night until the stars are all alight." J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

My stars are not alight. Two of my shining stars boarded planes this week for summer adventures: Claire to Texas to serve at a camp for her favorite population -- kiddos with special needs! She will meet us in July for a family vacation and then return to camp to finish out the summer. Mason is on his way -- even as I type -- to the Yucatan where he will work with one of his professors on an archaeological dig of an ancient Mayan temple. He will fly home in July -- just in time for our big family vacay!

Cate and Claire at the airport....

Mason going through security.

I know that we have been spoiled because all three of my college kids chose schools within a half hour from me -- and each other. So while Mason and Claire haven't lived at home the last two school years, I could get to them, they could get to me, and basically that freedom has helped us transition from our extremely nuclear little homeschooling cocoon to college life. Oh, I am thankful.

But this. This boarding the plane and flying off is for seven weeks straight. That seems like a really really long time. I like them. They are among my absolute favorite people on the planet. And I put them on a plane.

It would help if they didn't still look like this in my mind as they walked away from me:

And really, I am just so proud of both of them that I am fairly bursting. And that is quite an emotional roller-coaster between wanting to see them reach for the stars, and wanting to hold them close to me. And because with triplets, one or two simultaneous conflicting emotions has never been and will apparently never be enough -- there is a whole other element. My Benjamin.

I see it in his face. He wants to go too. He wants to leave and fly and do big things. And he does have things planned for his summer -- they will just happen later and they will happen with me accompanying him. And so I am torn between wanting to hug him for staying here and being within my vision all summer, and cry for him that he can't board a plane without me. 

And really, I want to scream that it isn't fair which seems completely silly because if he could leave I would do just what I did when his brother and sister left: cry and complain that leaving me isn't fair.

Oh for the love of mercy. The vast twists of conflicting emotions is leaving me wanting to don my pajamas and stay in bed for the summer. But that hardly seems like any fun.

And so we will put one foot in front of the other this summer. I will embrace the moments with Benjamin and Cate and will relish the tales from the adventures of Mason and Claire! And while we won't wish the days away, we will celebrate when we are finally, all back together!!

My birthday celebration last my little family!

"...Then world behind and home ahead, We'll wander back and home to bed...." J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Carol - The Blessings Counter