Sunday, August 30, 2015

Where did we put the bubble wrap?

Benjamin's baby feet were the first thing that caused me alarm when he was a bitty baby. My pediatrician was completely unconcerned by what I thought was some deformity. She assured me his little feet were misshapen because they had probably been squished pretty tight up against his brother and sister in my tummy.

Tonight I found myself hyper-analyzing those feet again and I am sitting here feeling all the uncertainty of young mama me, 18 years later.

Benjamin and his wheelchair had an unfortunate incident with a ramp-less curb Friday as he navigated his college campus. The chair fell forward and was stopped from smashing down by the foot plates of his wheelchair and subsequently, his feet.

I wasn't there. I know the amazing students with him reacted as fast as possible to upright the chair. Sweet young ladies who refused to leave him until they had called in professors, security and even a campus physical therapist to help. As a matter of fact, they never left him. I finally arrived and took him away.

Dr. Daddy fears there are some broken bones. But because Benjamin doesn't walk, doesn't bear weight on his feet, treatment is minimal. We are trying to make sure he isn't in pain and we have tried wrapping them to keep them mobilized but that feels worse to Benjamin than just wearing his shoes for support.

Today, he stoically did his school work with little complaint. But tonight as I examined his feet after getting him into his bed -- finding new bruising, more redness, and still the swelling -- my heart just broke. I know he is a college student. I know he is grown and not my little bitty baby. But man, when you look at his feet -- feet that aren't calloused with wear -- it is hard to remember all of that. 

And so I sit here torn between increasing the rate in which I hover on his campus exponentially, and my desire for him to experience college to its fullest which means he doesn't have his goofy-mama hovering constantly. I know there has to be a balance between ensuring he is safe and staying out of his way but for the life of me I am not sure where the line is. 

Forgive me in advance if you see me too often on campus in the coming weeks. We will figure this out. We will navigate this new territory with all that we have because he is too talented to not pursue his dreams. He is too gifted to keep him safely tucked away at home.

Unfortunately, if you have been around here with me lately, you know this is just the most recent in a long month of woes. So while I hover, and while we are forging pathways, would it be terrible to wrap my crew in a few yards of bubble wrap? I mean...just until things settle down a bit?

Carol - The Blessings Counter


Nancy brown said...

We saw Dr. S before he left and we did some major surgery on our baby. Ok. He is ten! But as I watch those scars and my heart breaks. To know that i am not alone is reassuring. I am also amazed at your strength. Those baby feet will always be yours!

Dr. S Thank you!