When God brings scripture to LIFE to get the point across...

The early years following the triplets’ far-too-early birth, I blamed myself. The guilt of not being able to carry them to full term was a cloak I wore every single day.

Benjamin, Mason and Claire in the NICU.

It probably wasn’t always visible – I loved my beautiful babies and found such joy in being their mother even under the weight of my cloak.

But when I watched Mason try to walk, and his little legs would scissor under him making every step a challenge, the cloak was heavy.

When our occupational therapist would ask baby Benjamin to reach for the brightly-colored beads and he would try with all his little might, but fail, the cloak was heavy.

When Benjamin has his first surgery at 3 – and every surgery since – the cloak of guilt would cause my steps to stumble and falter.

In my own might, I worked to lay the cloak aside. I made excuses for myself – my short stature made it hard to carry three babies to term, obviously. But even in the excuses, I felt responsible.

Then I came face to face with the truths contained in Psalm 139:

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:15-16

God knit me together. God created my being.

And did you catch that last sentence? All my days were written BEFORE one of them came to be. Oh, how that comforted my heart. It was no surprise to God that I had triplets. It was no surprise to Him that my body couldn’t carry them to a full term – He designed my body exactly as is and knit it together. Furthermore, he knit Benjamin, Mason, Claire and years later, precious Cate’s bodies together as well! And He planned their days. He wrote their story. He knit them.  Wonderfully he knit them. Wonderfully.

If you follow me on Instragram (and please do -- @momtotripsplusone), you know I have recently taken up the art of Crochet. I am quite addicted to finding that perfect color yarn and creating ear warmers, beanies, diaper covers – all manner of things that make me smile.

But the act of crocheting has made these verses come further to life for me. I am not perfect. I like to make a project quickly and move on to the next. But the creative part – coming up with a twist to the pattern that makes it uniquely my creation – is my favorite part. Listen, ya’ll, if the creation doesn’t look right, one tug of the yarn and the whole thing unravels. Which can be satisfying when I have made a mistake and terribly frustrating when the unraveling is a complete accident.

Hat and diaper cover to donate to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit -- so the littlest "Claires" can look adorable!

A work can be fragile while in the creating process. And if the ends of the yarn are not woven in correctly, it can stay fragile. But if done right, the pieces I have made will last for a long long time.

I like to think God felt the same when he was creating my children. He knew his plan. He knew their story. He could have said “Oops, I didn’t mean for that one to have cerebral palsy” and unraveled Benjamin’s little life with a breath. But the fragility of my little 2 and a half pound babies was not an error on the Creator’s part. He knit them exactly as He intended them to be for His purposes.

Because the little bitty "Benjamins and Masons" need to be cute, too!

I wish I could tell you that I never put the cloak on anymore. I wish I didn’t. I can go for a while wondering what is weighting me down before I realize that I have yet again, picked up the heavy, ugly coat of guilt and draped it around my shoulders.

But always, one glance at Psalm 139 and I remember. I can throw the cloak away. I can burn the ugly, unappealing thing because God did not make an error in this crochet project. He wrapped the yarn and wove the sinews of my body in exactly the manner He intended. And He did no less for my four children.

Because even if my Cate was full-term, there might be a tiny "Cate" who needs to be cute too!

Thank you, Father, for being a perfect Creator. Thank you for the blessing of what the world often considers imperfections. Thank you for the reality of walking a road less traveled (or rolling down it as the case may be) for your glory.

Now, if ya’ll will excuse me, I’ll be over here, crocheting…..

“A good woman is hard to find….she shops around for the best yarns….and enjoys knitting [crocheting]….” Proverbs 31:10-13 (The Message) Oh, yes, I think this should be my life verse!