Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Sufficiently Reprimanded.

I talk about peace. I talk about keeping my eyes on Jesus. I talk about thinking on the things that are good, true, lovely.

And yet. Oh, and yet, I am apparently still exhibiting stress. Still.



Benjamin and I had a long conversation yesterday. Rarely are we alone in the car, just the two of us. But yesterday, we were. I believe it was a God-ordained time. My boy had some things to say. He had some things I really needed to hear.

Some days, this guy will just ride, listening to music and enjoying the down time. But yesterday he was in a talkative mood. I knew it immediately. When he started sharing things he was concerned about in the upcoming surgery, my ears perked and I inwardly thanked God for this uninterrupted time to address any of his concerns.

Hmm.

Initially, the conversation was centered around his concerns -- things I knew he was thinking of, things like his respiratory distress during his big hip surgery four years ago. I was able to outline the plan that Dr. Dad and Benjamin's doctors have determined in an effort to avoid that happening again. It was good and healthy and I confess to feeling a bit "I've-got-this" in my attitude toward the conversation.

But then my guy said something that punched me in the gut, taking my breath and giving me the whack on the head I apparently need:

"Mom, are you afraid I am going to die?"

What? Why are you asking that?

"Well, you are just so stressed out about this surgery. You must think I am going to die."

Oh no. Oh no dear boy. My out-of-control-stress has scared you to death. Deep deep sigh.

I explained how I am just weary of him having to endure more and more and more. I am weary of him being in pain and hurting. I am stressed thinking of all he has been through and is yet to go through.

And my Benjamin....want to know what he said?

"Well, Mom, I think it would help me a lot -- and really help YOU a lot -- if you let go of your stress."

Oh.

Oh.

OK, then.

And then because God doesn't use our almost 16-year-old to admonish us without following up...my scripture this morning was Hebrews 12:1:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us."

I am laying down my stress RIGHT HERE. I am relying on the ONE who loves Benjamin even more than I do. And I am reclaiming my peace that comes through my steadfast faith, through perseverance with Jesus.

Cause Benjamin told me to.

3 comments:

TJG said...

As I tear up reading this, I am so grateful for your courage to share, and for Benjamin's wisdom to admonish in such a gentle way. I am standing with you, my friend, and would love to be an encouragement to you. Yes, the fear of impending surgeries can be overwhelming, especially for the one who must watch and not endure. Benjamin is so brave. And his faith is so real. As is yours. Oh, I love raw truth, and the way God meets us in our pain.
Thank you for sharing, and thank you for being you!

Allison said...

What a powerful, strong statement. Wow, what wisdom for a teenager to say! I'll be keeping you all in my prayers.

elissa said...

Love it when God uses our children to remind us of His truths!