Sufficiently Reprimanded.

I talk about peace. I talk about keeping my eyes on Jesus. I talk about thinking on the things that are good, true, lovely.

And yet. Oh, and yet, I am apparently still exhibiting stress. Still.

Benjamin and I had a long conversation yesterday. Rarely are we alone in the car, just the two of us. But yesterday, we were. I believe it was a God-ordained time. My boy had some things to say. He had some things I really needed to hear.

Some days, this guy will just ride, listening to music and enjoying the down time. But yesterday he was in a talkative mood. I knew it immediately. When he started sharing things he was concerned about in the upcoming surgery, my ears perked and I inwardly thanked God for this uninterrupted time to address any of his concerns.

Hmm.

Initially, the conversation was centered around his concerns -- things I knew he was thinking of, things like his respiratory distress during his big hip surgery four years ago. I was able to outline the plan that Dr. Dad and Benjamin's doctors have determined in an effort to avoid that happening again. It was good and healthy and I confess to feeling a bit "I've-got-this" in my attitude toward the conversation.

But then my guy said something that punched me in the gut, taking my breath and giving me the whack on the head I apparently need:

"Mom, are you afraid I am going to die?"

What? Why are you asking that?

"Well, you are just so stressed out about this surgery. You must think I am going to die."

Oh no. Oh no dear boy. My out-of-control-stress has scared you to death. Deep deep sigh.

I explained how I am just weary of him having to endure more and more and more. I am weary of him being in pain and hurting. I am stressed thinking of all he has been through and is yet to go through.

And my Benjamin....want to know what he said?

"Well, Mom, I think it would help me a lot -- and really help YOU a lot -- if you let go of your stress."

Oh.

Oh.

OK, then.

And then because God doesn't use our almost 16-year-old to admonish us without following up...my scripture this morning was Hebrews 12:1:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us."

I am laying down my stress RIGHT HERE. I am relying on the ONE who loves Benjamin even more than I do. And I am reclaiming my peace that comes through my steadfast faith, through perseverance with Jesus.

Cause Benjamin told me to.