Wednesday, January 9, 2013

No shoe droppings.

We are parents of two special needs children. And while I refuse to let my boys be defined by their special needs, I sometimes have to admit that the fact that they both have cerebral palsy colors my entire world. For fifteen years, I have tried to work through it, around it, over it...but the bottom line is that when I confront a topic, an issue, an idea, I do it with the filter of being Mom to Benjamin and Mason, and the trials that are part of who they are.

For example, when God smiled on us in 2005 and we realized we were expecting another child, it was that filter that made us anticipate issues. I am not the healthiest of eaters (don't laugh, Mother.). I have never eaten the recommended daily allowance of fruits and veggies. Never. And because the pregnancy was a wonder, a miracle, a gift, I had not been on any type of vitamin supplement....we worried how this would affect the baby.

Wade and I began discussing van options that would accommodate two wheelchairs. Oh, please don't think we were being pessimistic. If you spent two minutes with me, you would know I am a completely hope-filled optimist. Annoyingly so, no doubt. But optimist or not, we see the world through the filter of special needs parents. We know that some of the most amazing children need extra help and we fully anticipated that would be the case.

It wasn't. Cate runs, jumps and takes care of all of us seven years later. She is -- as she has been known to tell people -- a gift. An absolute gift.

But my point is this: I fear that sometimes I walk around waiting for the other shoe to drop. Amidst a season where more seems to be going on with my beautiful boys than ever before, I am feeling shoeless. Really, just so tired of dropping shoes!

My beautiful Claire -- the only girl in our set of triplets -- was actually the sickest one of the three during their Neonatal Intensive Care days right after birth. She struggled so but boy, by the time she came home she was a feisty little thing -- let her sleep and then watch her go! She was strong-willed, opinionated and well, the only one without Cerebral Palsy.




I was certain after she scared us in the NICU, we had reached an understanding that she was not to be sick. Ever. Not allowed.

But Monday, she apparently forgot. My sweet girl and I were doing our gym-thing together early in the morning. Working to get back at it after a lovely holiday off (we like to bake Christmas cookies so it wasn't a particularly easy morning!). Halfway into our workout she fainted. Out cold. She fainted twice before I could get her alert enough to get her to the car and home.

It was awful.




My first reaction was that she was dehydrated. Had low blood sugar. Something simple. And I hope that is all it was.

But as I got her home and the adrenaline left my body, I began to worry. Mason has had so many medical issues in the last year that uncovering them led to the discovery that the hole in his heart from the NICU days is still open. What if Claire's is open and something about that triggered this?

I could already hear the shoe dropping.

The pediatrician examined her that afternoon. He did hear a murmur but assured me it could be nothing. He is sending her to a cardiologist and she is not allowed to really exercise strenuously until then.

She seems herself today -- finally -- two days later. 

Her Dad and I have reminded her of the agreement she unknowingly signed to be the healthy, easy one. Clearly, she had forgotten.

Smile.





Until our appointment, we will wait. Probably a bit impatiently. But we will rest in the assurance that no shoe drops without God's consent -- He alone knows the plan for Claire's life. For mine or her Dad's or our other beautiful children.

We will rest in that.




4 comments:

Greetings! said...

Know that your family is always in our prayers. AND having been through open heart surgery with Cody I understand that anxiety. We went to Dr. Craig Cohen. The group is wonderful. Hugs to you!! xo

KT said...

I've been praying for Claire since I heard. Praying the Lord's mercy on your family. Stay grounded in hope! Love, Kristen

Karey said...

I just happened across your blog and have spent the last I don't know how long reading about you and your amazing family. I'm impressed by your strength and your positive attitude while dealing with a difficult reality.

I hope & pray your daughter is okay. I hope you find what you're looking for spiritually. I wish you the best and know that through God's love and his plan for each of us, you will know what he has in mind for you.

Thanks for sharing your strength and courage.

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